Hubris

Hubris and recreation will get you every time.
Over the weekend I decided to try to enjoy myself rather than doing chores.
On Sunday I blew off my friend Kirsten’s widow group to go to a local arts festival. I’d been doing pretty well and was thinking I didn’t really have anything to give to the group and I’d already planned to go to the festival so the decision seemed reasonable. It’s been four years, after all. “Shouldn’t you be moving on?,” they say (they wish).
Pfft.
As you may know, I’m about four months into the first regular job I’ve had since 1989. I love it. However, the part I never liked about working has reared its head, and I am unsettled regarding my closest colleague at work. Not my doing or hers, but she’s hurt and I’m implicated though innocent. I don’t navigate office politics well which is one reason I refused to work until I had to. I’m quite upset about this.
Was hoping to have a little beach escape this weekend, and know that the only way this will happen is if I do a little prep every day. Today’s job was to replace the seats that had been removed from my hauling vehicle when the kids moved back to school. Two of my three kids (one kid is borrowed) had used that car regularly over the summer and it was a sty. Since the seats had remained on the garage floor for so long, my old cat peed on them like she pees on everything. I found a couple of thongs on one of the seats, a beer-bottle cap and a contaminated blue-ice thing under my seat. I’m just trying not to be mad but wondering why I’ve let people borrow my stuff without respecting it. I didn’t insist. Because I was exhausted. Too exhausted to examine, too exhausted to argue.
Finally, after exuding two liters of sweat and suffering enough mosquito bites to ensure a raging case of Zika, I got the seats installed, vacuumed, and treated with urine cleaner, the car vacuumed though not cleaned of soda drips, blew 6 months’ worth of debris out of the garage, and got the car back in the garage with the windows down so hopefully the urine cleaner will do its job. Honestly that is just the tip of the iceberg. I’m too tired to go on.
The point of all this complaining is that I don’t think there will ever be a time when I am not overwhelmed because I have to do this job all alone. I do realize I am not the lone ranger here. I just write this to you because you might be wondering what others are going through.
And finally, I have to say, if I have habits you don’t like, just remember that this is why. I am just trying to cope.

img_0166