It’s expensive to lose your spouse.
I’m not talking about your spouse’s income. I’m talking about losing the services your spouse used to provide. Yeah, that statement seems heartless, but it’s reality and we are all living it.
Adam was my handyman, my rough-duty gardener, my sous-housekeeper (have I coined a term?), the dog-person-in chief. Car-washer, IT guy, heavy-furniture mover, painter, minor plumber, carpenter, gutter-cleaner, lawn mower, furniture refinisher, executor. I was the idea person, and he made my ideas come to life. Now? Pfft. Now nothing is happening and I have to hire out everthing and my ideas go nowhere.
Today I met with the man whose company keeps my yard. My yard is beautiful. Honestly, I’d been wanting to hire this man for years upon years, and when it became grossly apparent that I needed someone who could provide his scope of work, I was quick to give him a call. But it costs money and Adam provided lots of these services to our family.
Sous-housekeeper? Well, you know. I don’t have to spell that one out. He was great.
Dog-person-in-chief. I had one dog when I was a kid. A terrier. He didn’t require much. When I met Adam I knew that we would have labs and that was just the way it was. I acknowledge Phil, whose owner I don’t remember but Barb does, as the dog who really made possible our having labs. Phil was great. After Hobie died, I got us another lab. Then Adam died and my kids went to school and this was not my idea. Now I have a dog-walker and a trainer. $$$
The IT, furniture, gutter-cleaner, lawn mower and minor plumber haven’t been too bad to replace, just annoying. I am sad to have lost the executor of my ideas. My ideas and their supplies clutter my house and mind. I’m still determined to be a furniture refinisher and minor carpenter.
But this is a process. Were it the other way around, he’d be looking for a cook, a housekeeper, a driver, and errand person, possibly the dog person, who knows? Maybe he’d even need an idea person.
The point is that when you are married you are a team, and when you’re a good team you are a well-oiled machine. We were. Nothing even needed to be said. We just did it.
Now that Adam is gone, I not only have to do it, but I have to realize I have to do it, and then I have to learn the skills and maybe get the tools, but in the end I hire someone to do it. I just can’t do it all and it’s expensive. It’s expensive to lose your spouse.