Kanuga Conferences with Eben Alexander and Raymond Moody

I now know why I dreamed about Steve Jobs the other night.

But first things first. We had our first gathering tonight of the Lansing Lee conference at Kanuga. Eben Alexander and Raymond Moody spoke. I was mostly in tears. Why it didn’t occur to me that this would be the case is beyond me. As I sat there, overflowing, and listening to them speak, I wondered why why why must I behave this way in public. I realized it’s because what the men were saying gave me such a profound sense of relief and gratitude. Relief to know that Adam is truly, as I perceive, still with me all the time, and gratitude that this is so. Deeply emotional. I could do without the crying though.

The doctors’ stories included reports from the transition to the afterlife, stories of the sanctity of those holding the hands of the dying as they passed away. (I was holding Adam’s hand as he passed away, but was so numb with shock, despair, grief, and fatigue, that I felt almost nothing at all. I wish I had been paying attention.) Both men spoke hopefully of the future coming-together of science and spirituality.

Dr. Moody, who began his career as a philosophy professor, reminded us that Plato and Aristotle spoke of these very experiences, and that many cultures have never abandoned the idea of an afterlife, like we have done in the so-called enlightened West. Why have we abandoned the spiritual for the scientific? Why do we insist they can’t live together?

Dr. Alexander spoke of his father, a neurosurgeon (at Wake), a scientist, but also a very devout man. He saw himself as God’s instrument rather than a man responsible for saving lives. Dr. Alexander pointed out that a neurosurgeon will say the brain is the seat of consciousness, but if you ask him how this works he can’t tell you. Because, he says, consciousness is spiritual and not of the material world. How scary. How reassuring. How wonderful.

I wish I could do a better job of reporting all that went on during tonight’s hour-long presentation. But it’s too much. I haven’t sorted it all out yet. Only bits and pieces are coming back to me now.

Oh, and about Steve Jobs. Well I’ve tried but find myself unable to describe why he appeared to me. I can understand it but don’t have the words to tell you. Let’s just say that Dr. Alexander mentioned him tonight, and that mention made my skin prickle and the hair stand up on my neck, knowing then that my dream was connecting me to, preparing me for, this conference in some way. At any rate, Dr. Alexander reported that Jobs’ sister was with him as he passed away, and that his last words were “Wow! Oh wow! Wow!!”



Slowly Making Progress

Every time I eat smoked oysters I’m reminded that I am my father’s daughter. (Sorry Mom.) I know, you’re all revolted right now. Well they are delicious to me, and we had them only occasionally and I would share with Dad. It was great. Mom didn’t like them, at least in my memory, so it was a Dad/Daughter thing. Yes, they have a, well, distinct flavor. And therein lies their power. I’m having some tonight.

Life has been a little rocky lately. Nothing I’m responsible for but a situation that has required my attention. Because it’s not my thing I am not free to comment here, but if you are so inclined I’d welcome your prayers or meditations for a couple of my family members.

The last time I wrote to you the kids had just gone off to college and I had renewed my membership at my favorite gym (Fitness World. Yay!). All of that is still going really well. The kids seem happy and, according to their reports, are doing well academically and socially. I am still loving going to my spinning class. It really grounds me and makes me feel like myself.

This fall was to be a period of rebuilding my health and straightening out some issues in my house. Although the ideal would have seen more progress, I am still happy with getting back to the gym and eating better. The house projects are slowly coming along and I am thrilled with several of the subs I’ve found to help me out. Now if I could just learn some handyman skills of my own I’d be even more happy!

Last night I had this weird dream about Steve Jobs, so if any of you have ideas about what that could mean, let me know.

As for the widow stuff, I feel, finally, that I am more of myself and less of a widow. Adam is still a vibrant presence in my life, be that good or bad. I ask him for guidance; he delivers. I really don’t care if that’s crazy or not because it works for me. I do wonder, however, if my continuing dependence on his spirit holds me back, and I wonder if there is some kind of statute of limitations on how long he’s able to help me since, eventually, I have to take care of myself.

Next weekend I’m going to a conference whose keynote speaker is Eben Alexander, author of Proof of Heaven. A new book is forthcoming. Can’t wait to report to you on the conference. Sure wish I could have an hour of his time. Anyone in publishing want to commission an interview? If you aren’t familiar with Proof of Heaven I encourage you to pick it up at your local store or download it to your e-reader. Dr. Alexander is a scientist, a neurosurgeon if memory serves, so he’s not one to make this stuff up. Powerful. You can also find a 2-part interview with him on Oprah’s website.

I really feel that I’ve crossed a line. I no longer spend a lot of time being stabbed by Adam’s absence; the feeling is more of a dull ache. I’m sort of disturbed that the sharpness of his absence has dulled, but at the same time there is relief. Truly, it’s not healthy to nurse that degree of loss. Now I wish for companionship. Somebody to hang out with, do stuff with, who would understand my issues and not press for too much. Knowing this is a fantasy I am not pursuing same, but it might be nice. It’s just interesting to see how my heart is evolving.

Nevertheless, I am focused now on getting healthy and literally getting my house in order. Then we’ll see.